The Inexplicables--Old Man Sundays #2

Sorry I've been gone, folks. It's been so for a whole host of reasons, and since I'm not in the habit of treating this blog like a therapy session, let's just move on, shall we?

I watched Gymkata this week, for the first time in many years. Along with many other bad action movies, I watched this incessantly as a kid. At the time, it could not have been cooler. Unlike many other actioners of my childhood that don't hold up and are now mere bores, Gymkata is so stupefyingly inept, yet seemingly steadfast in earnestness, that it manages to be a bewilderingly charming 90 minutes. Having lately watched another movie of similar simultaneous earnestness and ineptitude (Thank God It's Friday), it gets me thinking that I'd like to see other movies like this. I'm dubbing them: The Inexplicables. I've already mentioned the criteria above: these movies must have earnest intentions, fail miserably in executing them, and precisely because of that ineptitude, impart upon the viewer an absurd glee in the viewing.

I want more examples, people. I've got the musical and martial arts examples par excellence. I don't think I've seen the heist example yet, but I'm guessing that Disorganized Crime is a solid candidate.

Eating at Hugo's Frog Bar and Fish House in Naperville, IL hit home a notion that I've been considering for some time. Namely, it is my experience that restaurants never really cater to the individual diner the way that they should. Whenever I eat out alone, I usually find that the servers are not as courteous as when I'm in a group, my wait is longer, and there are few to no check-ins from my servers after the meal is brought to me. A friend pointed out that the longer wait may simply feel longer, since I'm not conversing with anyone. This may be occasionally true, but certainly is not always so. I'm confused by the seeming lack of respect for the individual diner. Note to servers, mine is the only tip you'll be getting from my table. If you want a good one, show me a little courtesy, and bust your ass for me the way you would for the couple and their gaggle of youngsters next to me. Maybe it's just that I'm not the nicest-looking guy?

If you're wondering why I was in Naperville, it was to meet Charlie Higson, author of the Young Bond series. I was surprised--and a little sad--that there weren't more people there, but it afforded me the opportunity to chat one-on-one for quite some time with one of the few people around who've written Bond. In disarmingly funny fashion, Higson elaborated on the challenges of working certain elements into the Young Bond series--specifically the smoking, the drinking, the sex, and the violence. I took notes, because if I ever write a YA novel, I expect I'll be facing similar challenges.

For those of you in Madison, only one more day of Brat Fest. Your Double Johnnies await! As does your race with the devil on your way home.

I've found myself, on more than one occasion of late, dreaming of a Texas sunset. I think I'll take in a few soon, though I have not endured a Texas summer since 2001. We'll see if I survive.

Now that I have followers, I will start posting stuff on Twitter forthwith. Witticisms abound, people!

Take note, good readers: combing through e-mails at 1 in the morning always leads to no good. Actually, combing through almost anything at 1 in the morning leads to no good.

Best quote I've ever heard about the movie Tombstone: "Man, you were just an asshole if you weren't in this movie."

Watching Justified has, among other things, made me: a) want to buy a new pair of boots, now that my old ones don't fit, and b) wonder about my ability to pull off a cowboy hat again.

Speaking of quotes, I wonder how many times a year George Will describes politics as a "transactional business." Clearly, a reminder we all need.

Watched the Lost finale, like a few of you out there. Enjoyed it, like fewer of you out there. The show is, in the end, my 2nd favorite of all time (between Homicide: Life on the Street in 3rd and The Sandbaggers in 1st). Don't care to discuss further at this time.

Right this second, all I want out of life is to get out of cocked hat and into hog's fat.

Finally, I began with the inexplicable. I shall end with the inexplicable. Watch these now. Thank me at your leisure.

Again, profuse apologies for the absence. More to come. Entries, that is. Not absences.

Lunacy Royale--Monday Movies #1

I had hoped to start my new "Monday Movies" column with a review of a good ol' fashioned yakuza film. But then a friend of mine changed that plan.

Before I begin, in the interests of full disclosure, I am what one might call a huge fan of the most recent James Bond film, Quantum of Solace--as previously discussed on this blog--as well as the Bond series in general. The only reason I offer this preface, is that I want to do my best not to come off as merely an angry fan with what I'm about to say.

So, as I mentioned, a friend changed my plans for this entry, specifically by forwarding me the link to Patrick Goldstein's blog for the L.A. Times, where he makes a claim that the Bond series should purposefully go on hiatus for a while, and then substantiates this claim with opinionated commentary regarding box office grosses, irony, and 3-D.

Allow me to counter this wrongheaded stump of an article (so much for civility, I guess), so seemingly ignorant of the Bond franchise's pedigree, and so horrifyingly unworthy of even a nickel's worth of income.

(Note: I am not engaging with the first paragraph about the MGM troubles, except to say that one wonders if Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson announced the suspension to perhaps drive MGM into some decision-making.) Responding to each of his points from the second paragraph onward, here we go.

I cannot imagine why this is the perfect time to suspend production on this series. After the two most lucratively and--for my money--narratively satisfying installments, the momentum of the series would dictate the exact reverse of suspended animation, and if the MGM troubles weren't a factor, EON would likely be pursuing the next installment with all the vigor and speed of the teaser sequence in QOS. I was one of the "unlucky" ones who saw the most excellently titled Quantum of Solace (Goldstein here writing with the impudent ardor of one who may not actually know what the phrase means), and while it's an imperfect film, it's certainly not flawed enough to warrant a franchise overhaul. Indeed, as he himself writes, $576.3 million is, in fact, nothing to sneeze at (and I count $568,090,727 for worldwide grosses--according to boxofficemojo.com--but maybe an extra $12 mil is splitting hairs).

And the film earned that money precisely because it wasn't tired. The intense action, the break-neck cutting (while on the whole maintaining spatial orientation), the film's lightning progression through the series' shortest runtime: what is it about any of these that signals the film is tired?

Oh, wait. He said the franchise felt tired. Over a billion dollars in worldwide grosses since 2006 indicates to me that stunning numbers of audience members disagree. As far as the "aging hipster with a bad face lift" comment, all I can say is that vacuous cleverness has consequences. Granting a generic lineage between Bourne and Bond, Wanted and Iron Man are by no means the same kind of film, forcing me to wonder where in the cinematic soil these deep roots of his lie. And as for not updating the tone with more irony and updating the story with more technology, I wonder if Mr. Goldstein understands what it is the past two Bond films have actually set out to do with the series.

Indeed, while the Bond films are always, to some degree, representative of and responsive to trends in the Hollywood creative marketplace, one shouldn't underestimate the degree to which the Bond films are responses to their own immediate predecessors. One of the critical responses to Die Another Day was that it was overly gadget-laden (two words: invisible car).

Wouldn't it make sense in the reboot, then, to rid the series of the more unrealistic gadgets and base the technology in real world application--to mirror the realism the series is now trying to achieve both in characterization and aesthetic? And, since QOS picks up directly where CR left off narratively, doesn't it make sense that the same sensibilities would follow into QOS as well?

As for irony...there are SO many places to go with that claim, but I'll leave it at this. Since Mr. Goldstein makes it a point to say that QOS did worse than CR at the worldwide box office, is it at all logical to model future efforts upon the sensibilities of Wanted, Iron Man, or the Bourne series, when each of those films made less money in the worldwide marketplace than QOS?

And to call Hollywood's present relationship to 3-D a "torrid love affair" seems intellectually irresponsible. To further a juvenile metaphor, it might be more prudent to say that Hollywood is sliding safely into second base. Regardless, the films that have been expressly shot for or retooled for 3-D presentation are, on the whole, spectaculars teeming with visual effects. The Bond series certainly utilizes visual effects, but it is not so heavily reliant on them as to warrant even a 3-D experimentation with the gun-barrel sequence. In fact, I can think of no sequence in the past two films that would have aesthetically benefited from 3-D in a meaningful way--even the Parkour sequence in CR, because the pleasure of that sequence is not the kinetics of simulated multi-planar depth, but the visceral thrill in seeing an actual human being execute these actual physical feats.

Or perhaps that sequence is just enjoyable due to the hilarious irony of Bond catching a gun thrown at him, and then hurling it back at his attacker.

Rumors of the next installment's plot would have Rachel Weisz as the head of Quantum, and Bond discovering that he doesn't have to prevent the world from being taken over--it already has been. One can only hope that The Property of a Lady isn't as unbelievably awful a title as Quantum of Solace. (Note: It's not. It's every bit as smart, elegant, and narratively connected.) If the rumors end up being true, then it seems to me that Broccoli and Wilson will be doing exactly what should be done, once the MGM troubles are settled: 1) building further upon the new narrative framework they've so aptly put in place, 2) striving to make the series exciting while simultaneously realistic and relevant, and 3) driving onward, leaving Mr. Goldstein's "lunacy royale" in the empty desert to which it so ably maroons itself.

As the friend who originally pointed me to this article said, "No one in a Bond film has ever said that discretion is better than valor...because no one says that at all." If Mr. Goldstein isn't sure if Mr. Bond has ever uttered this non-aphorism in any of the films, then I begin to wonder if he's even seen them all.

I, on the other hand, will end my post with an actual aphorism, one that's found often in the end credits sequences.

JAMES BOND WILL RETURN.

P.S. Thanks to Brad and Colin for spurring on this entry.

Getting the Memo--Tuesday Tomes #1

There is a moment about 2/3 through Private Wars, where author Greg Rucka uses the text of a memo not only to elide time in the story, but also to put a bullet through the plate glass window of the status quo, through which I'd previously thought I could see so clearly. And to think it wasn't even the text of the memo, but rather the "To" line, that did the shattering.

We've all had those moments where we have a piece of grave news dropped on us with the utmost mundanity. While seeming insignificant to others, both the what and the how stick with us forever. That Rucka knows this fact is laudable; that he demonstrates it so deftly is what sets him apart from his peers in the genre.

I give this example not only because it was so striking to me personally, but also because it illustrates what Rucka's Queen & Country series is...and what it isn't. Set among the ranks of the Special Operations Section of the British Secret Service, Queen & Country is the anti-James Bond (at least pre-Daniel Craig). Battles are fought as much with words as with fists, and they are won as much with pens as with pistols. Far from a world of laser-firing Omega watches and properly chilled Dom Perignon, Rucka never lets the reader forget his vision of the world of spies.

In short, it's a dirty business, best left to the indomitable and the sly.

Private Wars is the second novel set in the Q&C world (but the thirteenth story, the other eleven being comic volumes). Minder (i.e. operative) Tara Chace has returned from the devastating events of A Gentleman's Game and Operation: Red Panda, only to find herself plunged into an even more complex, dangerous mission in Uzbekistan. The current Uzbek president is close to death, leaving one of his two children to take office. Chief of the Minders, Paul Crocker, orders Tara to sneak into the country--without any local help--and come back out with the pro-West son and his child, before the power-hungry daughter gets to them. Add the complications of an arms deal come back to haunt SIS and Chace already being at her breaking point, and you have the setup for the most emotionally wrenching and politically labyrinthine tale Rucka has offered yet. (And since I've got at least a couple of good friends reading this series right now, that's all the plot I'm going to declassify.)

Private Wars serves as a turning point in the series. New characters are introduced, notably a new SIS Deputy Chief and a new CIA contact for Crocker, which shake up the long established relationships in the book from the word go. Supporting characters, particularly fellow Minders Nick Poole and Chris Lankford, are given more time to shine--an advantage over the comic format, of which Rucka makes the most, without ever slowing the book's momentum.

And Britain's top spy finds herself even more at odds with Britain's top spymaster. The increasingly rocky relationship between the icy Chace and her boss, the taciturn Crocker, gives the story its foundation and propels it forward. And beyond the fact that I...respond somewhat favorably to tales of grumpy spies, one of the most wonderfully accessible qualities of this book (the series, too) is that anyone who has worked in any sort of office can identify with the office politics these characters suffer. This identification, in conjunction with the realism with which the service is portrayed, makes the book's stakes and its characters much less abstract, much more personal.

Private Wars also seems like a turning point for Rucka's writing. He is already known as an author who gives his characters not only breath but brains, and he's especially praised for the complexity and authenticity of his female characters. But the increased maturity with which he writes Chace here--trying to speed through the intersection of duty and tragedy--points to the type of work he recently completed with Batwoman in Detective Comics and is beginning with Dex Parios in Stumptown.

Rucka has also grown even more fastidious (which I didn't think was possible) with respect to the integration of his research and his fiction. After reading this book, it occurs to me that, if I ever got lucky enough to interview Rucka, one of the first things I would ask him would be where he gets his news. I've heard him referred to as "Tom Clancy with a brain." Which is insulting, because this book proves Rucka's ever-growing place as a consummate--yet never overblown--stylist, where Clancy's work is a consummate, overblown bore.

Rucka gives us thoughtful prose, and with a Hammett-esque snap.

I cannot wait for October's release of the third novel, The Last Run, which will lead into the new volume of Q&C comics. I'm almost positive I know where the story will go.

And I know I'm going to love it when Rucka proves me wrong.

Bonus Feature:

I mentioned that the Q&C series is comprised of both comics and novels. To that end, because I've not seen it elsewhere very often, here is a comprehensive read order for the series to date.

Operation: Broken Ground

Operation: Morningstar

Operation: Crystal Ball

Operation: Blackwall

Declassified, Vol. 1 (technically published before Blackwall, but directly sets up Storm Front)

Operation: Storm Front

Operation: Dandelion

Operation: Saddlebags

Declassified, Vol. 2

Declassified, Vol. 3

A Gentleman's Game

Operation: Red Panda

Private Wars

The Last Run (available October 26)

The Craziest F#*&ing Thing I've Ever Seen

I'm gonna let the link do the talking for me:

http://www.mi6.co.uk/sections/articles/collecting_craig_ice_cream.php3?t=&s=&id=02267

I really don't know what else to say about this insanity.

5 Quick Things and a Bonus

1) After having watched them again recently, I maintain that Mission: Impossible II is the best of that series. I'd also argue it's John Woo's best American film.

2) All of this "Texas should be its own country again" crap has got me lamenting that Kinky Friedman didn't win his gubernatorial bid. My old home state would be a better place, I think.

3) Ran across a slim little volume this evening, quite by happenstance, entitled, The Penguin Book of Gaslight Crime. I really must get to reading it...once I finish The God Delusion, The Road,Godel, Escher, Bach, Starman Omnibus, Vol. 2, and My Silent War.

4) This is the number of days I've been coughing my lungs out. You'd think I could, you know, stop already.

5) So, when I first heard about the new Star Trek film, I was skeptical, which gave way to cautious optimism, which in turn gave way to bona fide excitement, which has now given way to purchasing the cereal. I must be mad.

Finally, an image I've been meaning to post for a while...one I haven't seen elsewhere. Enjoy.

And look at that...it's hell time. 'Night everybody.

Quantum of Solace, Part 2: Tosca Isn't for Everyone

Hey, all you Bond fans who are clamoring about Quantum of Solace being a heinous crime against the Bond legacy and cinema in general? Do me a favor and shut your cryholes.

As I've confessed to a few folks, this review is probably going to sound a little defensive (the cryholes comment gives me away, I suppose). I can't help it, because it's nigh unto impossible for me to look at a Bond film objectively. So here we go, and my apologies in advance for my excuse of a structure and the tangents that frequently break it. Also, some spoilers ahead. If you haven't seen the film, I'll have more respect for you in the morning if you don't read this.

While not a perfect film, Quantum of Solace is an astoundingly great addition to the Bond canon (title and all). Frankly, it boggles my mind as to why people are so up in arms about it. The main complaints, as I see them, are three in number: 1) there's too much action with too little story, 2) the villain isn't really interesting, and 3) there's not enough humor in the film.

Almost every Bond film is, to some degree, a response to its immediate predecessor. Quantum of Solace is no different. Casino Royale had its share of complaints (e.g. that there wasn't enough action--ridiculous, I know--or that the film was too long and too poorly paced), so it really shouldn't shock us that QOS would seek to improve on CR's perceived weaknesses. Thus, it stands to reason that there would be more action this go-around. However, all of the action sequences felt perfectly well motivated to me.

I thought that the car chase that opened the film was possibly the best teaser sequence in all of the films. The intercutting between tracking in from the sea and the quick shots of the Aston Martin's wheels, the enemy's bullets, Bond's eyes--all before we hear the punch of a pedal and the blaze of the bullets. Damn, that was spectacular (also surprising to me, since I was expecting the gun barrel sequence to start us off as opposed to that mountain shot). The airplane sequence was also especially tense and contained some really brilliant shots--especially that camera tilt inside Bond's DC-3 where the enemy plane first swoops in, guns blazing. Admittedly, I thought that the foot chase in Siena and the boat chase in Port au Prince could have been cut just a little less quickly, but still, the action was paced to within an inch of its life.

Indeed, I'd say that of the film as well. In 1 hour 46 minutes time, I'd argue the film gives us the best cinematic translation of the Fleming sweep. We visit a multitude of locales throughout the picture, but we never feel like we've jumped in and jumped right back out, nor do we stay in any one place too long. Apropos of the locations, I'm often annoyed by title cards indicating where we find ourselves, but QOS cleverly, amusingly integrates them into the film, particularly when Bond and Mathis hit La Paz, Bolivia, where the title becomes a part of the airport signage. And I'm grateful they went with "London" instead of "London, England." Stuff like that is why title cards annoy me.

And yet, back to the complaint--not enough story. Um, okay. Let's review: Bond's on the verge of a violent breakdown after the death of Vesper, the only woman he's ever loved. Untrusted by his own government, he relentlessly seeks out members of a heretofore unknown global organization, both out of personal anger as well as an attempt on M's life. Bond soon discovers that said organization is steadfastly taking control of the world's natural resources, countries at a time. Oh, and he also joins forces with a beautiful agent pursuing her own personal vendetta against the movie's other villain, which mirrors Bond's own grief in a very palpable, intelligent way. And Bond must also deal with his own guilt for the way he treated his friend Mathis in the wake of CR's events. And all this and more is pulled off in 1 hour 46 minutes--along with all that action over which people are so earnestly fussing.

Really? Not enough story? The story is actually like Bond's martini (called a Vesper, incidentally). It's got all the ingredients. They all mix well. And it's a damn fine drink going down.

So let's come to the second point, then. Our villain: Dominic Greene, excellently played by Mathieu Amalric. I remember seeing him in Munich and thinking almost instantly, "That guy needs to be a Bond villain." I really can't fathom why people think that Greene is less compelling than Le Chiffre from the previous film. Is a poker savvy money-mover really more fascinating than an environmental magnate who's toppling regimes and playing intelligence agencies off of each other? And don't say it's because of Greene's lack of physical distinction (i.e. don't say it's because his tears aren't bloody), as that will upset me. Amalric alternately exudes cool menace (love the "ants under my skin" and "balls in your mouth" lines) and an almost psychopathic rage (the guy swings an axe like Monica Seles swings a tennis racket), and Bond's first meeting with Greene--to the tune of Puccini's Tosca--is the stuff of which epic confrontations are made. I love the fact that, in that moment, the two men exchange not a single word.

Besides all that, though, one of the central points of the film is that, as Mathis says, it's difficult to distinguish between the heroes and the villains as you get older. The Bond films have definitely gotten older and, at last, wiser. I think CR and QOS have found a way to make their villains sufficiently Bondian while keeping them grounded in a very believable way. These films are also a little bit more politically interesting than previous entries. After all, both the British and the American governments are after Bond by the latter half of the film, and I think this fact is indicative of another of the film's core strengths: Bond's relationship with M.

Bringing Dame Judi Dench over from the Brosnan films was the absolute right move. Her sternly maternal presence plays well with Daniel Craig's equal parts rational and rash portrayal of 007. Actually, there's a line from CR that tidily encapsulates what this diptych is really about at the end of the day. M says to Bond, "I need to know I can trust you, and that you know who to trust."

If CR was about Bond discovering who to trust, QOS is in no small measure about M being able to trust Bond. And in the execution of that aspect of their relationship, M and Bond in this film remind me a great deal of The Sandbaggers' Neil Burnside and Willie Caine. We have both chief and agent, trying their damnedest not to be pawns in their own masters' political ends, fighting to protect both each other and their country. I love the fact that early in the film, when M's bodyguard reveals himself as a double agent, before Bond runs him down, he looks back to make sure M was able to escape. I don't know if I'd have thought twice about that part if it wasn't there, but it was, and it helped make the film better.

And no humor, huh? Well, I confess, the film lacks the charming byplay that CR had between Bond and Vesper. But saying that the film is without humor is just patently false. It may be as dry as the Perla de las Dunas, but it's there. More than that, it's intelligent. Take, for example, the scene in the bar where Felix and James are trading barbs about their governments' imperialistic natures:

Bond: "It's always amazed me how you boys have carved this place up."
Leiter: "I'll take that as a compliment coming from a Brit."

I laughed like crazy when I heard that line, as well as this exchange.

Bond: "You see, that's the thing about American intelligence; you'll lie down with anybody."
Leiter: "Including you, brother. Including you."

It's nice to see Bond and Leiter's relationship a little more realistic in terms of what I'd expect from an interaction between an MI6 agent and one from the CIA, and yet those sorts of exchanges also give us an increasingly solid feel for the friendship that these men are developing.
But, sorry, back to the humor. It's not only dry; it's subtle. Take Agent Fields for example. The lovely, inimitable...I'm sorry, give me a moment...

...Agent Strawberry Fields. The scenes between her and Bond are wryly playful ("teachers on sabbatical" was pretty hilarious), but I'm pleased that it took the credits to reveal her first name. "Just Fields," she insists in the film, but the credits deliver the very clever punchline. While the full name itself is by no means subtle, the script could have easily contained a couple of jokes about this, but the writers chose wisely in omitting them.

"Don't bleed to death."
"She's seasick."
"Tell her Slate was a dead end."
"I'm not dwelling on the past; I don't think you should either."
"If you could avoid killing every possible lead, it would be greatly appreciated."

To say nothing of Bond throwing keys and phones around with abandon.

Really? No humor?

One quick note--that subtlety that I mentioned earlier also extends to the dramatic. Camille speaks of the "mark" that General Medrano gave her as a child. Referring to the burn scars on her back, we don't see the mark when she speaks of it. This was a great touch, as we'd seen the scars already a few times. We didn't need to be spoon fed the image to accompany the dialogue.

Speaking of quick notes, I have more to say, but it's probably best if I keep the rest brief. I may come back to some or all of these later, but at the time of this writing, it'll be amazing if anybody but me and all the unnecessarily pissed fans still care about this film enough to discuss it.

Without further ado, a "few optional extras" (22 in fact), in no particular order:

1. I've already written about the song, but I'll also say that the titles sequence is really quite stunning. The women emerging from the sand dunes, the zoetrope-esque images of the women spinning round...did I mention that the women are back in the titles?
2. Speaking of women, Olga Kurylenko does a superb job as Camille. Bond's female mirror in almost every respect, I really want her to return in a future installment.
3. I do wonder how many of the people who flat-out don't like the film are new fans who jumped onboard with CR and who don't really get the pedigree of these films. I'd wager quite a few.
4. It's easily the most stylish of the films, at least with respect to fashion. I mean, how about those sunglasses, kids?
5. No Moneypenny? No Q? No gadgets? No worries.
6. I'd contend it's got the best acting of the series. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, gives a fine performance, particularly the film's star. It's not "Daniel Craig as James Bond." It's "Daniel Craig is James Bond."
7. QOS offers the two most moving moments of the series, next to Vesper's death in CR. First, Mathis' death, particularly when Mathis asks Bond, "Do we forgive each other?" I'll admit that chokes me up (after all, I have no armor left). Second, the final scene of the film, when M says, "Bond, I need you back," to which Bond replies, "I never left."
8. And how cool was that final scene, particularly when Bond yells, "SIT DOWN!" As the man says, I nearly took a fraidy pee.
9. Bond apparently carries a knife. Good to know.
10. The fight with Slate was fantastic. Quick. Savage. Bloody. Terrific.
11. Speaking of terrific, how about Bond slapping that guy off of his motorcycle? That's the stuff.
12. The fight in the elevator could have been shot/cut better. I know it's close quarters--and an elevator--so we don't need that much spatial definition...but still.
13. David Arnold has truly outdone himself and provided the film with the best score of the series. And people who say there's not enough Bond theme in the score: a) need to listen closer, and b) honestly ask themselves if the Bond theme has ever been overused.
14. On the subject of music, the whole opera sequence was amazing from start to finish, particularly that giant eyeball. I've got to visit that place.
15. On the subject of the opera sequence, don't you love how Mr. White didn't get up with the rest of the Quantum members (or is that Q.U.A.N.T.U.M.)?
16. There was fine production design throughout, but overall we could have stood more camera time for it.
17. The film does a wonderful job with homages to the previous installments. Obviously there's Fields' death--a blatant nod to Goldfinger--but I really enjoyed the nods to The Spy Who Loved Me (Bond throwing Haines' bodyguard off the roof in Bregenz, and the business card with the alias Robert Sterling, which was the alias Bond used in TSWLM).
18. Nice to see M's Chief of Staff, Tanner, back in action as well.
19. I didn't mention it above, but I noticed that M put two copies of the same photo of Vesper and her boyfriend Yusef in the file that she hands Bond. Why would there be two copies? Was M tacitly inviting Bond to chase him?
20. The scene where Bond talks with Camille about killing is fascinating to me. It's an odd one. Bond is so calm while talking to her essentially about how to successfully achieve her vengeance, but we know he's still working through his own vendetta. He can still be the "blunt instrument" of CR, but by the film's end he also demonstrates the capacity to move beyond that.
21. While I think the ending of the film gives great closure to Bond's emotional arc, I do wish we'd seen the original ending with Bond, Mr. White, and Guy Haines. While I know the filmmakers wanted to free themselves to go a new direction, I want a trilogy out of this story.
22. Regardless of my feelings on the ending, I think the film serves incredibly well as a bookend to CR, a bridge to the next film, or most importantly on its own.

Quantum of Solace: Great Bond, or the Greatest Bond? Definitely great Bond. I'd put it at #2, behind only Casino Royale. I'll be intrigued to see how QOS ages, though. After all, CR was a film that I'd waited practically my whole life to see. It's almost impossible for anything to contend with that. Maybe time will convince me otherwise.

Aside from my gratitude to you for making it this far in my paltry piece, only two things left to say:

First, thanks to everybody who saw the film with me, all of whom contributed to this review--whether you know it or not--through your lively, erudite, and often hilarious conversation. You know who you are.

Second, the best four words in the English language: JAMES BOND WILL RETURN.

Quantum of Solace: Great Bond? Or the Greatest Bond? Part 1

So, my friend Brad (one of only 8 people I know who unabashedly likes the film) poses the question to me, "So is your Quantum of Solace review going to end up as the great unfinished magnum opus of your career?"

Damn near, kids. Damn near.

The reason? Appropriating a line from the short story of the same name, allow me to let Ian Fleming explain:

"The prospect, which had previously interested, even excited him, was now edged with boredom and futility."

In earnest do I attempt to retrieve my interest, my excitement, for the few of you who, you know, give a damn.

Part 2 to follow at an indeterminate date (i.e. after you've all forgotten the film), in which I vehemently instruct the nay-saying sections of Bond fandom to listen to reason (i.e. my opinion) and, ultimately, to chill the fuck out.

And much as I loathe ending sentences with prepositions, I'm pretty sure I can let that one go.

Bits. Tid Bits.

I endure myriad stupid comments throughout my work week. Today's quote takes the cake. On one of my many, MANY conference calls, I heard, "All of those myths are definitely false." The brain wobbles. And not that scotch-tastic wobble, either.

I feel for people trying to find teddy bears for their kids. We almost all of us had them when we were kids. They were simple, cute, and happy little stuffed animals. Nowadays, those damn things look like they'll all murder you in the night.

Finding the right shawl collar cardigan is much harder than I figured.

I can't help it and I can't say why, kids, but I'm feeling a great deal of Texas pride lately.

I do hope Daniel Craig doesn't wear a new pair of sunglasses in the next film. I just can't afford it.

Watching last week's episode of 30 Rock was glorious. To see my favorite comedy of the present cross paths with my favorite comedy of my childhood (Night Court)...well...that's like having a James Bond film and a Batman film in the same year. Hey, wait a minute...

Speaking of which, my Quantum of Solace review is forthcoming.

Ready yourselves.

25 Words or Less, Part 2...

Fanboys and critics are wrong. My friends and I are right.

Quantum of Solace is outstanding.

And Strawberry Fields...oh, Strawberry Fields.

More to come...

Never Say Midnight Again

Well, it's official. I've gone to my last midnight show.

I was supposed to have seen Quantum of Solace tonight.

But I didn't. Because a group of absolute fucking retards did not know how to behave in the theater (constant talking, racist remarks during the trailers, and other dicketry).

And I had a choice to make. I could either leave the theater, or call one of you fine people to bail me out of jail for the--I assure you--IMMENSE BODILY HARM I WOULD HAVE SWIFTLY INFLICTED UPON THOSE COMPLETE AND UTTER ASSHOLES WHO HAVE POSITIVELY NO CLUE HOW TO BEHAVE WITH CIVILITY IN ANY PUBLIC VENUE, MUCH LESS A PACKED MOVIE THEATER.

I was forced from a Bond film this evening; about 10 minutes of that crap was all I could take.

And if I ever run into those guys in a dark alley someday...I will fuck them up but good.

A horrid end to a horrid day.

I've gone to my last midnight show. I go now to fretful sleep.

A Bit of Peace, Also Known As...

...a Quantum of Solace. Yes, yes. Go ahead. Rake me over the coals for that one. What can I do? I've been working a steady stream of 12-hour days. I'm pissed because I haven't posted here in weeks. Gimme a break, kids.

Actually, I'm looking for just that: a bit of peace from the rabid Bond fans out there, who in spite of being blown away by Casino Royale, still find the time, energy, and vitriol to post all of the things wrong with Quantum of Solace that will have nothing to do with how good the movie is.

For example, fans are all a-twitter that Mr. Craig won't be uttering the most famous line of introduction in all of cinema: "The name is Bond. James Bond."

And I ask you this: who cares? How is it that the fate of this film's quality rests on six words? Seriously? We're agitated by this? Dear me. I mean, I take the Bondian world more seriously than most, but that's such a bewilderingly petty thing on which to fixate. I could attack it from a purist's (i.e. loyal to the novels) point of view and cite the fact that he did not introduce himself that way in every single one of Fleming's tales. Why should I, though? It. Doesn't. Matter.

Let's talk about the song. Oh, yes...the theme song: yet another component on which the quality of the film does not rest. You can have a great song without the film to match (A View to a Kill or Live and Let Die, anyone?) or vice versa (can't say I'm the biggest fan of From Russia with Love's theme, though it's certainly not bad).

Which brings us to the first duet in Bond history: the inimitable Jack White and Alicia Keys (to whom I give no adjective, since I had no real feeling for her before this song) with "Another Way to Die." To be honest, the first time I heard this song, I was pretty neutral to it. It certainly wasn't--as many fans claim--as actively awful as Madonna's "Die Another Day," but it was no "GoldenEye" or "You Know My Name" either.

Again, I can defend this on rational grounds: 1) like "You Know My Name," "Another Way to Die" sounds as though the lyrics perfectly suit some of the things we can expect to see in the film, and 2) upon further reflection, Jack White's composition is a wonderfully modern homage to John Barry's score for On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Again, though--it doesn't matter. The film won't be made by that credit sequence over which an inevitably truncated version of this track will play.

So let's talk about the final bit of controversy: the run time. How dare they give us the shortest running Bond film (QoS) immediately after the longest (CR)! This from people who've likely never seen a film by Budd Boetticher. A 78-minute Bond film? Believe it or not, I'd love to see how that would play.

To the issue at hand, though, this is the one potential flaw of the upcoming Bond film. Granted, if they end up having needed to tell more story than they did, then the shorter run time is definitely a factor. However, if 1 hour and 45 minutes isn't enough time...

After all, if I'm honest with myself and you, good reader, the Bond films as a whole are much too long. There. I've said it.

Forgive me. Taking a deep breath before resuming.

Look at what is now the next shortest film: Goldfinger. Everyone's darling example of what a Bond film should be, clocking in as 1 hour 50 minutes. Watch it again sometime. Then come back and tell me how surprised you were at how slow it was. And I'll say, "I know. I noticed that too."

Again, we haven't seen Quantum of Solace yet, so let's not pre-judge. Stow the vulture shtick and do what I do. Look forward to it like it's going to be the best Bond yet. After all, isn't that what real fans do? Sure, we all have our preferences, our tastes, our idiosyncrasies, but at the end of the day, we look forward. We anticipate. We ready ourselves for a great experience, which always gives me more than a bit of peace.

I'm also given a bit of peace by the fact that my Bond-fan-friends do not fall into that variety I've described above. Indeed, I'm considering wiping the floor with some of those fans at a Bond trivia contest at the Sundance Theater in Madison on November 11 (For prizes, kids! Prizes!). I believe it's teams of three. If you're a friend and a Bond aficionado, do let me know if you'd like to join me for this. I'm on the fence about it at present.

One last thing. Those of you who've read my old post on my ranking of the Bond films with capsule reviews can skip what's ahead, as it's a rehash from my old blog. For those of you who haven't seen it before...well...if you're finding yourself woefully underexposed to the Bond catalogue--or you're just wondering what the hell I'm thinking--then let me give you an idea of how they all stack up.

You won't find the original versions of Casino Royale here or Never Say Never Again, since none of them are canon. Yes. Canon. I'm serious. As to the other 21, here we go:

21. The Man with the Golden Gun—Christopher Lee is really the only force opposing the onslaught of poor pacing, the ennui-packed plotting, and the racist rants of Sheriff J.W. Pepper. I suppose Roger Moore is good in his more serious moments, but he's given wholly stupid allies and an exclusively disapproving M (I prefer M in more of the paternal role). If there's one Bond I wouldn't recommend, this is it.

20. Diamonds Are Forever—Charles Gray as Blofeld. Uh-uh. Blofeld in drag. Uh-uh. Bond in a moon buggy pursued by three-wheelers. Strike 3, kids! Even so, Jill St. John is fetching, and for whatever reason I find Wint & Kidd amusing. Sean Connery is back, but only to slightly good effect. It's fair to say the first half of the movie is much more interesting than the second, but this is not the follow-up to On Her Majesty's Secret Service that I wanted to see.

19. Moonraker—Not the worst Bond film ever—I'm just as surprised as you are. Set aside the absurdity of Bond in space, as well as the name Holly Goodhead (insert your giggle here). Michael Lonsdale gives a fantastic performance as Drax, and Moore is able to inject some much needed gravitas (weirdly enough) into the proceedings. Yes, yes, the gondola leaps from canal to land, but somehow it just fits here. And the wrist gun…well…I thought that was the height of cool when I was 8.

18. A View to a Kill—Starring Roger Moore's stuntman, it's true, but the Silicon Valley/earthquake plot has always fascinated me (reminiscent of Lex Luthor's schemes). Walken is Walken—seldom a bad thing—and the film excels when Moore and Walken are sharing the screen. The fight on the Golden Gate at the end and the City Hall fire sequence still excite me to this day. Certainly, Tanya Roberts is dreadful, but the Duran Duran theme compensates somewhat.

17. Live and Let Die—Seriously underrated in almost every way and in many ways grittier and more serious than For Your Eyes Only. Moore begins his tenure coolly and with true panache. Seeing Quarrel, Jr., helping Bond in the field still makes me smile. Jane Seymour's character is fascinating both for her innocence and her clairvoyance. Additionally, I give you three words: Yaphet Kotto, baby. And the theme? KICK ASS. On the down side, no Q, no scope frame, and some frightening stereotypes (both black and white).

16. Die Another Day—It's the lost masterpiece of the franchise. The first hour is some of the best Bond ever. And then we hit the ice palace. Even after I say those things, it's not really fair to draw such a sharp line divvying up the film's successes from its failures (as many have). I think the movie had an incredibly timely plot, a fantastic performance by Brosnan (who, after finding his true stride in The World Is Not Enough, exuded a kind of confidence in the role all but surpassing his predecessors), and a mostly compelling supporting cast (particularly Toby Stephens and Rosamund Pike). If only I could go back and recut the film, the main problem would disappear—Halle Berry. Seriously, if she's supposed to be Bond's equal, then why is she: a) always having to be rescued by him, and b) not particularly smart or witty? Couldn't they have just brought Michelle Yeoh back?

15. You Only Live Twice—While people claim Goldfinger as the quintessential Bond film, I can't help but think that a great many people's impressions of Bond are as equally shaped by this film. Pleasance's Blofeld, the volcano base, being bathed by bikini-clad beauties—it's all here! (For Mike Myers to remind us!) Connery is still fantastic, but it's easy to tell he's a little tired of the role. All in all, it's a hugely fun picture (Little Nellie! Oh, she's a wonderful girl!). My only gripes—the pacing's off at times, and the head of Japanese SIS should not ever seem like an idiot.

14. Octopussy—Following the mostly serious For Your Eyes Only, this film puts more of the silly back into the fray. I gotta say—it still works somehow. Moore, aging though he is, pulls off both the intensity and the frivolity of Bond with equal aplomb. Louis Jordan makes for an appealing if not altogether compelling villain, and Maud Adams (as the titular character, the title itself no doubt what ensured the film's success on home video) is leaps and bounds more fascinating than her character in The Man with the Golden Gun. On the down side, there are too many fucking circus clowns.

13. Thunderball—SPECTRE is at its best here, stealing atomic bombs to extort money from the governments of the world (always a great plan, kids). Adolfo Celi has the right amount of menace (that eye patch doesn't hurt), and Luciana Paluzzi (insert longing here) is absolutely stunning as Fiona Volpe. Post-Goldfinger, Connery's got the role down cold and effortlessly maintains his swagger of comfort and cool. John Barry's score is particularly excellent. The movie drags in the underwater sequences, though, which causes the climax to feel rushed. Sadly, this was Terence Young's last feature in the series, and while this one wasn't on par with Dr. No or From Russia with Love, it would be a while before the films saw as skilled a director.

12. Dr. No—The template for all to follow, Dr. No holds up as a well-constructed straightforward espionage thriller. The film takes itself very seriously (perhaps a little too much so, but better to err on the serious side than the silly), and Connery's no different. To steal a line from the song "Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," while he's suave and he's smooth, and he can soothe you like vanilla, the gentleman's a killah. There's a rough quality to Connery that only adds to the menace already within Bond. Joseph Wiseman is great as the title character, exuding the kind of epic, elegant arrogance that he would bequeath to of all the great Bond villains. It's light on score variety but heavy on thrills. Oh, and Ms. Andress, you may rise from the sea now.

11. The Spy Who Loved Me—I know, I know! We'll remake You Only Live Twice and improve it! Essentially, that's what happened here. I'll always wonder how a straight adaptation of the novel would look (awkward as it would be). However, what Goldfinger is to Connery's run, this film is to Moore's. The Spy Who Loved Me shows us how underwater sequences should be shot (i.e. at a faster pace than Thunderball), and the final assault with Bond and all of the sub crews is still something that hasn't been equaled in subsequent films. Barbara Bach is a solid match for Roger Moore, and Richard Kiel gives us the man with the metal teeth. However, Marvin Hamlisch leaves a little to be desired (though I do have a soft spot for "Bond '77").

10. Tomorrow Never Dies—Oh, Michelle…I wanted you back so badly for another film. How could you leave us? Brosnan has some wonderful darker moments (I'm thinking particularly of the scene where he executes Vincent Schiavelli's character), and it's decidedly one of the most action-packed films in the whole series. Dame Judi makes for a less adversarial M here, which begins the transformation into a maternal figure that lasts to this day, proving her a more-than-worthy successor to Bernard Lee. Down side—Jonathan Pryce is a little absurd (that scene where he's slapping the keyboard with one hand pretending to type is embarrassing), and Teri Hatcher doesn't have the acting chops (or the lines, in fairness) to portray Bond's former love.

9. The World Is Not Enough—Again, one bad casting decision ruins an otherwise perfectly good movie. Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist. And, with lines like, "Someone's tampered with the bomb!" I just don't have the words, really. Take her out of the picture, though, and it would jump a few on the list. The reveal of the villain is easily the most satisfying in the series, and the picture overall feels more like a Fleming tale than the other Brosnan films. Sophie Marceau's more sophisticated and emotionally compelling performance makes up for Richards' "presence," and Robert Carlyle is icily impressive as the terrorist who can feel no pain. Brosnan is the real treasure here, though, giving what is perhaps the most quintessential interpretation of the movies' Bond.

On a sadder note, this was Desmond Llewellyn's last film as Q, as he died shortly after the picture was released. His last moment in the film, where he says, "Always have an escape plan," and then descends below the floor…I swear that scene makes me cry every single time I see it.

8. For Your Eyes Only—For my money, this is Moore's best film. From the very start, when we see him go to his wife's grave, we know this is going to be a different Bond than Moore has previously played.Moore has previously played. There are more thrills than frills in what is the most realistic story of Moore' tenure. Carole Bouquet is also the most fascinating of Moore's bevy of Bond Women as a daughter out to avenge the murder of her parents. While the film's villain (John Glover) isn't terribly compelling on his own, it's the history between him and Bond's eventual ally (Topol) that makes the film remarkable. Well, that and the ski chases…with the motorcycles and the bobsled. And Roger Moore acting his age. ("Now you put your clothes on, and I'll buy you an ice cream.") Down side: the score. Not the song. The score.

7. GoldenEye—"There is no substitute," read the teaser poster. Damn right. Bond had been absent from the screen for 6 years (how I survived is beyond me), and Pierce Brosnan and Martin Campbell brought him back with an earth-shattering bang. Upon recent viewing, the film did seem a little more dated to me than it had, but it's still Brosnan's best. I fell in love with Famke Janssen here as the charmingly psychotic and absurdly named Xenia Onatopp (being crushed by her thighs mid-coitus would be an acceptable way to go). Izabella Scorupco was a good romantic match for Brosnan (their scene on the beach, when she's basically criticizing everything Bond's out to do, is one of my favorites in the film and the series). Ultimately, though, props go to Sean Bean as Alec Trevelyan, Agent 006. Having Bond face a former 00—more than that, an old friend—remains of the best ideas in Bond history. On the down side, Eric Serra's "experimental" score, a bit of a sag in the middle, and seeing Joe Don Baker's ass cheek. On the up side, Brosnan slid into Bond's suit as though he'd always been wearing it.

6. Goldfinger—As damn near everybody says, this is the quintessential Bond film. I suppose that's accurate. The argument could be made that, once this film came along, you could combine portions of it and the first two films and get any of the later films. Gert Frobe was the best villain of the Connery run. "No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!" Really, does it get much better than that? This is the kind of megalomaniacal eloquence we expect from our Bond villains. And Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore…well...little more need be said, I suppose. We get the interplay between Bond and Q here, as well as the Aston Martin DB5 (with modifications). It's true: the movie mostly fires on all cylinders, but it loses serious points for Cec Linder's lame, aw-shucks portrayal of Felix Leiter, Bond's vomitous blue bathrobe and indictment of The Beatles, and the grandma packing a machine gun. And as I said above, it's just too slow for being now the second shortest film in the series.

5. The Living Daylights—While I remember seeing A View to a Kill in the theatres, this is the first Bond film that had a true impact on me. Admittedly, even though there's a lot to like in this film, Timothy Dalton was the biggest reason for that impact. Here was a man who was willing to bring Fleming's character to the screen—fortunate for me, since I was 9 at the time and had already read most of Fleming's novels. Like Casino Royale would later do, The Living Daylights takes the source story and expands the plot to make for an elaborate espionage picture. I agree with the criticism that there are too many villains with none to take center stage, but complaints that the plot is too complicated are just plain ridiculous. Spy films should be complex, people. I like Maryam d'Abo here as one of the more vulnerable Bond Women; hers is a solid performance, and she and Dalton exude good chemistry. In addition, this was the film that proved that a-Ha was a 3-hit wonder instead of a 2-hit wonder.

4. On Her Majesty's Secret Service—Everyone gives George Lazenby shit (myself included). Everyone should keep two things in mind, though. 1) It took balls to follow Connery. 2) Lazenby wasn't an actor, and thus wasn't given time to develop the character beyond this film. That said, he brings a powerful physicality to the role (those fight scenes never happened to the other fella). Diana Rigg, as Bond's one true love, at once proves his match in playfulness and in darkness, and both their marriage and the tragedy thereafter are consistently moving sequences. And who knew Kojak would make the best Blofeld? John Barry's score provides the perfect accompaniment to both the action (from Bond's escape from Blofeld's mountain base to the final assault) and the romance (particularly when Bond proposes). Some of the scenes with Blofeld's girls are tiresome, and one wishes for a tighter continuity with You Only Live Twice (Bond and Blofeld have met before, you know), but ultimately, even without Connery in the role, it's the most epic film of the series.

3. Licence to Kill—Alright, alright, let's get it out of the way: the film looks dated, the bar fight is a little awkward, and it's got Wayne Newton. There. That's all that's bad about Licence to Kill in my humble opinion (and Wayne Newton isn't that bad). For a long time, this was my favorite Bond film and the closest to Fleming it got. I've always liked Michael Wilson's description of this film as the Yojimbo of the Bond series. A spy-gone-rogue set up gets me every time. The film's also got arguably the strongest Bond Woman in Carey Lowell, a beautiful and tough-as-nails informant who's able to come to Bond's rescue for a change. And Robert Davi exemplifies my vision of the mirror-Bond villain. The relationship between Bond and his best friend, Felix Leiter, was never better realized than in this picture. Dalton too came into his own, giving the single strongest performance of the series next to Daniel Craig.

2. From Russia with Love—Without a doubt, the best of the Connery films. In terms of sheer espionage, it gives Casino Royale a run for its money and may actually exceed it in that respect. Connery looks so tough here that he would have made John Wayne run away in tears. Pedro Armendariz provides us with the best non-Leiter ally, and the scenes between him and Connery always make me smile. Picking up where Dr. No left off in terms of SPECTRE plot elements, we get our first (partial) glimpse of Blofeld (gotta love the fighting fish scene), and Vladek Sheybal as master planner Kronsteen knocks my socks off. Daniela Bianchi is wonderful as said love from Russia, Tatiana Romanova, but in the end, Robert Shaw is the best part of this film. Not only do he and Connery execute one of the greatest fight scenes in cinema history, but he's probably the most physically imposing and dangerous character in the films (yes, more than Jaws). The film also provides us with the best 30-Second Bunnies line: "The decoder weighs 10 kilos. James! Make love to me!"

1. Casino Royale—When I watched the film for the first time, I failed to see Daniel Craig. I saw only James Bond. While that happened to some degree with Dalton, the impression of seeing what is so close to my personal vision of Bond has never been so powerful. Craig evokes all of the elements of how Fleming created Bond, how the movies adapted him, and, most importantly, how I view him. Spookily enough, Eva Green (let's all take a minute to sigh longingly) is almost exactly how I pictured Vesper when I was a 9-year-old reading the novel for the first time. This is an almost perfect film (it would have been perfect had it, you know, never ended). I saw it 14 times at the screen, and from the B&W teaser sequence to the final scene (which is the greatest ending of any movie), I love it more with every viewing. If you dislike this movie, we'll need to have a talk, and when I say that, I mean I'll be doing the talking. In short, James Bond Has Returned.

And I for one can't wait to see where I'll put Quantum of Solace.