Houston? Tranquility Base here...

Profuse apologies for the absence. I've been vainly duelling with insomnia for the better part of the past week, and my mind has been a bit on the foggy side.

Actually, the word I'd use is "shambolic." Fantastic, that one. I'd not known of it until I saw it used in a recent New Yorker article to describe one of the current London mayoral candidates.

And, boy, does that sound like a wacky contest.

On the subject of fantastic words and phrases, for a long while now, I've considered the phrase "two-fisted tales" to be just about the greatest phrase in the English language. While the phrase "two-fisted" has been in existence at least since the 18th century, my primary reference for it is as a type of "tale" in a ridiculously smart 1950s war comic from publisher EC.

I mean, put "two-fisted" in front of something, and you almost always make that something better. It's the same principle I have regarding the way things like hovercrafts and ninjas always make movies better, but more on that another time.

Anyway, I finally found a phrase that tops "two-fisted tales."

In the aptly titled Bizarre Books: A Compendium of Classic Oddities, authors Russell Ash & Brian Lake have assembled the weirdest lists of authors and titles that are with ease and rapidity, to quote the Bard, "wont to set the table on a roar." I bought this on impulse after spotting it in my local Borders, abandoned in the poetry aisle (of all places) by some hapless browser. After all, this is the kind of shit I read for fun.

As a footnote to one of the many titular oddities, the authors mention a novel called Cockeye Kerrigan, which was "described as containing, 'Hard-knuckled pages blazing with biff and stingo...'"

"Hard-knuckled pages." Solid, yes, but a known quantity.


"BLAZING WITH BIFF AND STINGO."


Wow. Talk about the eagle landing. If ever any phrase described the kind of stuff I love to read and dream of writing (and, let's face it, how a person should live), you betta believe that's it.

Ladies and gentlemen! The winner and new heavyweight champion of English phraseology! (Condolences, Two-Fisted Tales. You're still a damn good comic book).

I guess it's no wonder I found Bizarre Books in the poetry section after all. Containing such a majestically pulpy phrase, that's right where it belongs.


Read: Fell, Vol. 1: Feral City by Warren Ellis and Ben Templesmith (10/10 on the "biff and stingo" scale)
Watch: Exiled (dir. Johnnie To, 2006) (the masterpiece of Hong Kong's original "biff and stingo" director)
Listen to: Get Budd: The Soundtracks by Roy Budd (a compilation by the gent who scored Get Carter and The Sandbaggers...I think I'll leave it there)